Hercules~: (in a shaky voice) No. No. Oh please. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (as he gets thrown across the room by Ares' energy bolt)
Ares~: Uh huh. Oh yeah!
Herc~: (getting up) Let's just talk about this, okay? (gets another energy bolt to the stomach) Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
Ares~: Hey, Having fun yet, little brother? I sure am!
Herc~: Stick a sandal in it, Ares!
Ares~: What you said! (as he shoots another energy bolt into Hercules, sending him head over heals on the floor)
Strife~: Uh, that'll leave a mark tomorrow! (He and Discord laugh)
Ares~: You know, I've wanted to do this since the day you were born. I-I never dared dream it would be so... (He takes a breath and yells) SATASFYING!
Strife~: I don't mean to be critical, Unc, But uh, don't you think you should just lighten up, just a tinsy little bit?
Ares~: Light... Lighten up? There's no lightning. I have Hercules exactly where I want him!
Discord~: But what about the protection order? You destroy Hercules and Zeus will send you straight to Tartarus!
Herc~: Yes! Yes! (gives a thumbs-up to Discord and gets another energy bolt to the stomach)
Ares~: You see, I don't need to worry about Daddy's protection order, any more. (And he brings out a hand holding three glowing green crystals)
Strife and Discord~: Pieces of the Cronos Stone! (Strife reaches out a hand)
Ares~: NO TOUCHING! These have made me more powerful that I've ever been. Once I get the other two, I'll be in charge. (He laughs) Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm. Oh I'm really, I mean really going to enjoy this. (you see dread and fear creep into Herc's eyes) Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm...
(He keeps on laughing but the screen changes colors. You see a hand reach out)
Strife~: Uncle Ares? Unc? Here's your double-double Ambrosia with a side of fries! (Ares hurls a energy bolt into Strife, and catches his meal as it falls)
Ares~: YOU INTERUPTED ME! Oh, I was having the nicest daydream about my plans for the Cronos Stone. (He brings out a small chest and opens it, revealing two dull green crystals)
Strife~: Pieces of the Cronos Stone! Heh, heh. (reaching out a hand)
Ares~: NO TOUCHING! (hits Strife's hand away and picks up the crystals, which start to glow)
Strife~: Ow! Where's that come from?
Ares~: It took me 800 years to find the first two pieces. (shoots a cronos-stone-induced energy bolt at Strife and Discord, but they lean out of the way. The bolt hits one of the shields hanging on the wall and knocks it off)
Ares~: Zeus decreed that the pieces of the Cronos Stone would be powerless unless a god received each one freely from the hands of a mortal. Now, do you know how hard that is?
Strife~: Come on. With your winning personality and good old-fashioned people skills? (he receives yet another energy bolt to the stomach)
Ares~: The third piece may be within my grasp.
Strife~: (Groans) Oh, joy.
Ares~: It's some dusty roadside inn's prize in a mortal talent contest, if you believe that.
Discord~: But you just said if you grab it, the thing won't work. And if you order a mortal to give it to you, it STILL won't work.
Ares~: Ah, but if I win, It will.
Discord~: You're willing to mix with mortals?
Ares~: Whatever it takes, to get my hands on that crystal.
(Cut to Hercules and Iolaus in Kora's Inn, putting together the prize basket)
Herc~: Whoo, gosh. People sure have shelled out for this prize basket.
Iolaus~: Well, you got a crystal paperweight (giving it to Herc to put in the basket, But both fail to notice that the crystal is lighting up)
Iolaus~: Oh, ugh. Goat jerky.
Iolaus~: Ahh. Dinars. (he smiles)
Herc~: No, no, no.
Herc~: Listen, If you want to win them, you can enter the contest.
Iolaus~: Yeah, like I'm going to sing in front of all those people.
Herc~: Iolaus, I've heard you sing. You can.
Iolaus~: Sure. (Herc joins in) Ahh, Hmmm, uhhhhh. (just Iolaus) No, no. In the shower, maybe. But I'm not getting naked for anything. Believe me.
Kora~: (running up to them) Iolaus, can you help me get some more chairs? I don't know where all these people are coming from!
Iolaus~: I'd love to Kora. Really. (She smiles and leaves) She likes me. That must kill you.
(Herc sees three black-garbed people standing at the doorway, and goes over to greet them)
Herc~: Oh, Hi. You must be here for the talent contest. Can I get your name?
Herc~: Ares, alright. And your occupation?
Ares~: God of War.
Herc~: God of, god of... (looking up and finally recognizing him) What are you doing here?
Ares~: Like you said, I'm here for the talent contest.
Strife~: Three guesses who's gonna win. The first two don't count. (Ares, Strife, and Discord raise their hands like they are going to shoot a energy bolt)
(Start at the exact moment where we left off. The threesome look like they're gonna shoot of a major energy bolt, but all they do is pull back their hoods)
Herc~: The God of War wants to enter a mortal talent contest. Now, what's wrong with this picture?
Ares~: What? Don't you think I got enough talent? (he begins to laugh)
Herc~: (Smiling sarcastically) I think you do, yeah, for starting wars and ruining people's lives.
Ares~: Oh stop. You're embarrassing be now.
Strife~: Well, This is what passes for art around here? (looking at the plate balancer on stage)
Herc~: You got a problem with that, Strife?
(Discord's eyes light up red as she tips all the plates onto the ground, where they all break)
Herc~: Listen. Whatever you guys came in here to start, We can finish outside, alright?
Discord~: Like it's always about you?
Herc~: (caught off-guard) well, isn't it? Why are you guys here?
Ares~: (Dramatically) I have come to enter a talent contest. Now, If you'll excuse me, I must go warm up. Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Strife~: Pickity, pickity, pickity, pickity...
Discord~: Hmph! (and hums) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
(This goes on until they get in line and both Ares and Discord have stopped making sounds, But Strife is still going strong. So Ares gives him a hard elbow in the gut that shuts up Strife.)
Kora~: And now our next contestants: Petra, Paula, and Murray!
(A trio of fluters take the stage and start playing. Ares gives Discord a sarcastic "Oh, please!" look, and she uses her red eyes to make the flutes go flat, making the song sound horrid. Meanwhile Herc goes over to where Kora and Iolaus are standing, to tell them the news)
Herc~: Okay. Big problem.
Iolaus~: Yeah, No kidding. A talent contest with no talent (indicating the fluters on stage).
Kora~: The crowd is starting to get ugly.
Herc~: Uh, (just now noticing the fluters) No. Guess who just signed in. Ares. (Kora and Iolaus start to laugh)
Iolaus~: You're kidding.
Kora~: Ares. That's kinda cute, like the God of War.
Herc~: No, no, not like. Is. You see, Ares is here, right here, right now, with Strife and Discord.
Ares~: Exciting, isn't it?
Kora and Iolaus~: Ares.
Ares~: What's the fuss? All I want to do is join in your little talent show.
(a mime starts performing)
Kora~: I don't believe you.
Ares~: Listen, toots. (Kora raises an eyebrow) You give me one minute on that stage and I'll show you how serious I am.
Kora~: Well, I can't exactly kick out the God of War, now can I?
Ares~: Good. So, it's settled then.
Discord~: You know, Strife. About this Cronos Stone, I've been thinking.
Strife~: Ha, Ha. You, thinking? Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha. Oh, You're serious. I hate mimes.
Discord~: Let me handle this. (you see the red flash in her eyes as she boxes in the mime) We know Ares has talent to burn. But mortals are, well, they're mortals. No accounting for taste.
(The mime's act is finished and a girl gets on the stage and starts swinging chains with leather balls on the end)
Strife~: Your point being?
Discord~: What if we helped Ares really sell his number, you know? Add a touch of sizzle? Give him the ol' razzle dazzle?
Strife~: And do what, give Ares a reason to blow us away? Bleaaa!
Discord~: Work with me here! If we push him over the top, then he doesn't win. The three of us win. (looks at the girl on stage) She's good. Can't have that. (she sets the balls on fire, messing up the act)
Kora~: And let's hear it for the Amazing Amarta! Great, yeah. Coming up next, we have a very unusual act for you here at Kora's. Let's give a great big warm welcome to Ares!
Crown in unison~: Ares, God of War!
Ares~: Chill cats, be cool. Don't think of me as the God of War. Think of me as the KING OF SWING! (He whips off his cloak to reveal a stunning silver outfit and he starts singing) Hit it boys! A one, a two. A one, two, three, four! (jazzy beat starts playing)
Herc~: It doesn't make any sense, all right? What is Ares doing up there?
Ares~: (singing) Got my hair slicked back, I'm ready to slide. A real cool cat who's here for the ride. A tiger on the prowl, looking for prey. Here kitty, kitty. Come on, lets play.
Iolaus~: Well, actually, he's rocking the house.
Ares~: I'm the best whose ever been, Hands down I'm gonna win.
Iolaus~: Maybe he wants to win that prize basket. Maybe, they're out of goat jerky on Mt. Olympus.
Ares~: It's slick, I'm here to play, So you'd better get outta my way. You ask yourselves why do you love me? Why do I make you scream and shout? I think you know no one's above me. And if you don't I'll give you something to cry all about! Gonna rock it, gonna play, gonna take it all around. Gonna take ya, gonna break ya, gonna turn you upside down!
(Strife and Discord start dancing and run into Iolaus, who accidentally knocks the prize basket onto the floor. Iolaus bends down to put the stuff back in the prize basket)
Herc~: I'll help.
Ares~: Gonna slam ya, gonna jam ya, gonna burn this place right down. Gonna spill it, gonna kill it, gonna rock till your head pounds!
(Strife and Discord continue dancing. Then Ares gets this "Elvis" accent.)
Ares~: Greek god almighty, that's who I am. And I'm the king of the swingin' jam. I'm the leader with the hippest sound. I really know how to shake 'em down. I'll give ya something that will set you free, pretty baby, rock along with me. GET UP! GET UP! Go round and round. Hey, forget about those clowns!
(Strife and Discord continue dancing while Herc and Iolaus re-put together the prize basket)
Herc~: Okay. We got some goat jerky, and uh, some cheese. Oh let me get this crystal paperweight... (Iolaus sees the glow and points it out to Herc)
Iolaus~: Whoa. Do that again?
Herc~: Do what?
Iolaus~: Make it glow.
Iolaus~: Hey, It didn't do that when I picked it up. That must be because you're part god. (they stand back up. Herc scratches his head and lets his hand drop, shooting a energy bolt into his foot.)
Herc~: Oww, ahh! Okay, okay. This... this is why Ares is here.
Iolaus~: He wants that crystal.
Herc~: I'm only a half god, and look what it does for me. Imagine what can happen if he gets his hands on it!
Iolaus~: Well, I guess we're gonna find out. He's got this contest nailed.
Herc~: Well, no. Listen, We can't let him win.
Iolaus~: Well we can't stop him. He's really good.
Herc~: We have to! (and points his finger at Iolaus, accidentally shooting a energy bolt into him. Iolaus flies across the room.)
Herc~: Iolaus! Sorry!
(Ares is still singing)
Ares~: ...gonna shake it all around. Gonna take ya, gonna break ya, gonna turn you upside down.
(Herc is helping Iolaus stand up)
Herc~: I'm sorry. Are you okay?
Iolaus~: Oh yeah, I'm fine.
Ares~: ...gonna shake it all around. Gonna take ya! Gonna break ya! Gonna turn you upside down! Gonna burn the place right down! Gonna rock till your head pounds! Uhhh, Yeaaaaa! Come on!
(audience starts clapping and Ares asks Strife)
Ares~: What do you mean, bustiling into my act?
Strife~: Ahh, Unc. We're only trying to help.
Kora~: (muttering) Congratulations, you won. Now take your bows and go. (Outloud) People, people. It looks like we, we have a winner.
Herc~: What? No, no. Uh, There's another act. And... it's us!
Iolaus~: What? (Ares, Strife, and Discord start laughing. Kora smiles a genuine, warm, encouraging smile)
Strife~: Oh, ha, ha, ha. Get outta here!
Iolaus~: Whoa, whoa. What do you mean, *us*?
Herc~: I mean, I mean you singing and me playing.
Iolaus~: Oh, no no no Hercules. This is, This is... (cut off by Herc)
Herc~: Iolaus. Iolaus, If we don't do anything, Ares will win. Okay?
Iolaus~: But, but, but I can't, but, but but...
Herc~: But, but, but, but No! (and steers Iolaus to the stage.) Heh, heh, Hi.
Ares~: Bring it on, pretty boy. (Kora does her patented "Kora laugh")
Iolaus~: Excuse me. Sorry. (as he and Herc fight through the crowd to get to the stage)
Herc~: Excuse me. (they get on stage and reorient themselves)
Unknown girl 1~: Your microphone, Iolaus.
Iolaus~: Thank you.
Ares~: (talking to Strife and Discord) So what? You figure you're part of the act, you get part of the prize? Well, listen up kids, It ain't gonna happen!
Strife~: Come on, Unc, Be reasonable. We had the place rockin'! ha, ha.
Ares~: Rockin'? I'll show you rockin'. (and he threatens to shoot him with a energy bolt)
Discord~: Maybe we'll just leave now. (they disappear)
Herc~: One, two, three, four!
Iolaus (singing) Does anybody know what it's like to be a hero?
Unknown girl 2~: I love you, Iolaus!
Iolaus~: Betcha think you're king of the world, but sooner or later, forgot you might drown. (lyre's brang, brang) That's okay, I can deal with it, (brang, brang) Got my friends all around me, (brang, brang) And we're gonna have a good time.
Iolaus & Herc~: Gonna make a little noise, gonna get loose with my boys. Gonna shake it all around and take it downtown.
Iolaus~: Have a little bit of fun, Gotta grab it on the run. Cause when the morning comes, you'll be up and gone.
Iolaus & Herc~: Here and now, I've got to say, the simple truth won't go away. The way I feel, Just can't describe, the magic when I look into your eyes!
(Herc's cool Lyre solo)
Iolaus~: I remember it like it was yesterday. Maybe that's because it happened last week. You pulled me over, read me my rights, It didn't bother me then, but now I'm losing sleep. (brang, brang) I'm sure it's already over, (brang, brang) She woke up and slammed the door, (brang, brang) She said "We're just getting started." Come a little bit closer, gonna take some time. For us to come together, then we'll be just fine.
Iolaus & Herc~: Gotta admit it's getting better in every way, It will all fall into place now any day.
Iolaus~: Here and now I've got to say, Make no mistake, Don't turn away.
Iolaus & Herc~: I won't disguise the way that I feel, Just can't believe that you're so real. Here and now I've got to say, the simple truth won't go away. The way I feel, Just can't describe, the magic when I look into your eyes. When I look into your eyes. (brang, brangggggggggggggggggggggg)
(the crowd goes wild)
Iolaus~: It was nothing. It was nothing. (Kora has a "Kora laugh")
Ares~: Can we move this along, please?
Kora~: Oh, We're moving, We're moving. (She has another "Kora laugh" and goes up on stage)
Iolaus~: Thank you very much.
Kora~: Well, what a show. Let's hear it for all our contestants! (clapping) And now, for the winner. It's down to two. Do you love... Ares, the God of War?
Ares~: YOU ROCK!!!
Kora~: Or... Iolaus Hercules, and the Cadets?
Kora~: We have a tie.
Ares~: A tie? No, no. No ties. There can only be one.
Kora~: You can still have first pick.
Ares~: I want the crystal. (he searches the basket)
Herc~: Yeah. You looking for this? (he brings out he glowing crystal from behind his back)
Ares~: Give it to me.
Herc~: No! No, because you haven't said the magic word.
Ares~: Oh, I'm sorry. How about, uh, NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!(he hurls an energy bolt into Iolaus, sending him flying across the room. Again)
Kora~: Iolaus! (and she runs over to him. The crowd panics and rushes for the doors)
Ares~: Run fools. Run from the God of War!
Herc~: Alright. that's it. (and he hurls a energy bolt into Ares)
Ares~: (gasping) Ohh...you...
Kora~: Iolaus, Are you alright? (Iolaus moans)
Iolaus~: Ohhh. So cold, so very cold.
Kora~: Iolaus, snap out of it!
Ares~: So, you finally got a bit of juice. Let's see if I can't squeeze it outta you.
Herc~: Oh yea? (He tries to shoot a energy bolt at Ares, but it bounces all over the place)
Ares~: Typical. You don't know what you got, you don't know how to use it.
Herc~: That's not important to me. What's important is the fact that I have it and you don't.
Ares~: Not for long.
Herc~: Yeah? You want to play rough? Well you can say hello to my little friend, mister! (he shoots a energy bolt into the chain of the chandelier that's above Ares)
Ares~: That is *so* you. You get your hands on the Cronos Stone, You can't hit what you're aiming at.
Herc~: No, I can. And I did. (Pointing to the chandelier. Ares looks up just as the chain breaks, and he gets knocked to the ground as the chandelier comes down ontop of him)
Ares~: Nooooooooooooooo! (Kora and Iolaus drag Herc out of the Inn while Ares is down.)
Kora~: We'd better get outta here!
Iolaus~: Hey, What's the Cronos Stone?
Herc~: It gave my father the strength to defeat the Titans.
Iolaus~: No wonder Ares wanted it so bad, Huh.
Herc~: Well he's gonna have to find it first. (he throws it over mountains and into the ocean. Ares runs out of the Inn in his normal black outfit)
Herc~: (mimics) Yessssssssssss!
Ares~: This is not over, Hercules.
Herc~: It never is. (Ares disappears)
Kora~: Could someone please tell me what just happened here?
Herc~: Well, We could try. But...
Kora~: *While* you help me clean up. Heh, heh. (she goes back in the Inn)
Iolaus~: Hey, I bet it was, uh, fun while it lasted. The zzzzt, Power thing.
Herc~: The zzzzt? Yeah.
Iolaus~: Kinda like the power I exhibited when I was on stage.
Iolaus~: The song and I became one, man. I... I was toying with the audience. They were like, kinda like putty in my hands. It wasn't actually fair to the other competitors.
Herc~: Iolaus, All the other competitors messed up.
Iolaus~: No, no, no, no. That's what they are telling themselves to hide the pain of losing to me, losing to my beautiful performance.
Herc~: Excuse me. (heads back to the Inn. Iolaus follows)
Iolaus~: I think I'm going to change my name. I need like a stage name. Like uh, like "The King". (Herc moans) 'The King' has a certain ring to it.
Herc and Iolaus~: (singing in the background) Here and now I've got to say, the simple truth won't go away. The way I feel, just can't describe, The magic when I look into your eyes!
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